Beam say that maybe you feel disrespected or unloved or disliked, so explain that to me.” That’s probably not going to work. Now, if you sit down and say, “Okay, I just heard Dr. Accept what it is they feel and understand why they feel that way.Although in just a moment, if you think there is somebody else but they have not admitted that as of yet, I’m going to give you some ways to tell whether they might be having an affair.
I’m not saying that your spouse is involved with somebody else. It’s because, at least in that relationship, they do feel respected, liked, and loved.
I’m a person that you enjoy being around.Īnd so, if indeed (again, I’m not trying to beat you up, we’re just trying to deal with reality) you have been demonstrating toward them this respect, a lack of love, a lack of liking, then you need to accept the fact that if they are involved with somebody else. You look at me and see that there are good attributes here. I want to know not just that you feel good toward me in the sense that you love me. The same thing has to do with love and like. Either not wanting to be with you, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you,” or being susceptible to developing a relationship with somebody else where they feel respected. But, if you showed disrespect, whether you meant to or not, that can set up a person to be vulnerable. You see, if you look at the reasons that people divorce, if you look at the research, by far the most common reasons that people divorce are:Īnd if they have felt that you have been disrespectful by trying to control, dominate, argue, whatever, that you have always tried to get your way, there’s a ton of different ways that this could be demonstrated. And it certainly makes the other person convinced, “You don’t get me, you don’t understand me, you don’t know who and what I am.” Now, if you’re going to deal with this, if you really wanna save the marriage and your spouse has told you, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore,” then you need to accept what they feel, even if you don’t like it.īecause if you come back, “Oh no, you do love me,” and you start trying to explain to him or convince them that indeed, love is there, the “in love” kind of love is there, it’s not going to do you any good. They may not want to tell you that it’s going on in their lives at this particular moment. Now, your spouse may not be ready to admit that right now. So, therefore, I love you, but I’m in love with him / I’m in love with her.” And so “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” is setting up a situation where it’s like, “But I am in love.” There’s still part of me that has positive emotions about you. Or, unfortunately, they may be saying, I do feel this “in love” feeling with somebody else. And they finally reached the point of thinking, “I shouldn’t be in any relationship because all relationships wind up hurting me at some point.” So that’s one possibility, not the most likely possibility, but one possibility.Īnother is, “You know, I feel this emotion with you, but I feel like there’s something more I can have, and I wanna go looking for it out there.”Īnd so, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” means that I’ve heard other people describe what they feel, I’ve watched the things on the TV, I’ve seen the stuff in the movies, and I want to go see if I can find that for me. Although I’m not trying to blame this on you at all–please don’t hear that. Typically when that happens, it’s somebody who’s been hurt so many times in life by parents, siblings, friends, maybe even by you. So it’s not likely, but they may want to go off and be by themselves. And that could be happening with your spouse. You’ve heard me say they’re relatively rare, and they are. It typically means: I have emotions for you, but it’s not what I want.įor some people, and these are relatively rare, these are people who have finally decided, “I don’t want any relationship. If you want to get where you need to go, you must accept where you’re starting from.īut what about this: My spouse said, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” What does that mean? 
I’m not trying to instill fear in you, but we talk about reality and how you can face life as it is. When your spouse says, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” Is it time to panic when you hear that? It may be.
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